“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how
compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” -Leo Tolstoy

For a variety of reasons, couples present an "everything's beautiful" façade to the world, hiding their struggles and their incompatibilities. Neighborhood barbeques, church retreats or other social events can reinforce conformity of presentation. A couple at loggerheads moments before arrival put on their best smiling faces for the outer world as they step out of the car. This causes a strain to the couple and leaves many feeling a sense of isolation, as if something is wrong with their relationship for having the struggles they do when everyone else seems so happy.

A couples group breaks this sense of isolation. It is liberating to recognize that your struggles are shared with other couples; that your relationship is more normal than you realized. A couples group is place where it is safe to be real in your relationship with your partner — in front of other people.


The format is as follows: 4-6 couples meet for two hours once (or twice, depending on group preference) monthly in my office in my office in Pleasant Hill.The group begins with each couple describing how they handle a particular issue in their relationship. The issue changes from month to month and this opening is followed by studying a text connected to that particular issue. Couples take turns bringing in material and leading the discussion. Following a 10 minute break, the second half is devoted to one couple working with me on an issue in front of the group. It ends with the group voicing appreciation to the working couple for something they witnessed in the work. While this might sound daunting, the reality is that couples work is enhanced when it is conducted in front of other couples. You will feel the love and support of your cohorts as you deal with your issues you know others share. There is great emphasis on structure, safety and the positive in all the work.
In order to take part in a group, a couple needs to be familiar with the "intentional dialogue." This can be learned in couples therapy with an Imago therapist or by attending a "Getting the Love You Want" workshop or its equivalent. Cost of the group is $125 per couple per month.